Anne “Anaconda” Morrison takes the title
What can I say—women’s arm wrestling at the Talk of the Town was as good as anyone could have ever expected.
First, there’s the Talk, a local mainstay that is a key part of any newbie’s introduction to town. It’s like a rite of passage. Move to town, head to the Talk of the Town. At least that’s how I remembered it, at least portions of it, when I first came here.
Then, there’s women arm wrestling. Something about women squaring off over a table, adorned in a variety of outfits clutched hand-in-hand and grasping a stabilizer peg— yes it’s phallic.
Put the two together and, like I said, it’s as good as anyone could have ever expected. Even the Flauschink King was in attendance for the grand spectacle.
Thirty-two women of all shapes, sizes, ages and backgrounds (that’s right guys, there were 32 women in the Talk at one time) signed up to throw down in a single-elimination tournament format Friday night, all in support of local radio station KBUT.
In the end, one woman reigned supreme: Anne “Anaconda” Morrison. While Morrison is gentle in appearance, at least from the neck up, a simple flex of her arms showed biceps, triceps and some serious lats—that is, latissimus dorsi.
There were elementary school teachers, landscapers, stocky women, slim women, stout women, 50-somethings and, yes, mothers vying for the title.
Some rocked Mexican wrestling masks, some standard greasy baseball hats turned backwards, and one woman had a steel link chain around her neck draped behind her in a single leash-like strand, hinting at a taste for sadomasochism.
Nicknames ran the gamut from Wrecking Ball, to the Kosher Krusher, to 50-Cal and the Bavarian Bomber.
While brute strength carried several women through the first round, a slight woman, demure in appearance, who registered under a bit of a misnomer, Bonecrusher, immediately gained fame for her technique.
I mean, I can’t imagine, judging by her slight frame, that she could possibly crush bones. I would be surprised if she could even snap a dried wishbone a week after Thanksgiving.
Yet what Bonecrusher, aka Cindy Czarnick, appeared to lack in the aforementioned “brute strength” category, she more than made up for in technique, thanks, in part, to her “coach,” Eric “Turbo” Ervin.
With the field cut down to 16 women, brute strength continued to carry weight.
50-Cal, aka Jen Abrams, appeared stronger with each match. Anaconda slayed her opponent. Wrecking Ball carried her attitude through to the quarterfinals. The Bavarian Bomber and Riley “No Contest” battled back and forth before the Bavarian Bomber emerged victorious.
Lauren Alkire, the Kosher Krusher, proved a lethal combination of strength and technique to advance with a win as her mother, Gayle, cheered on.
Lis Collins, local mother of four, gained the respect of the crowd with her win, and Bonecrusher continued her purity of technique to reach the quarterfinals as well.
The quarterfinal round separated the women from the girls. Bonecrusher downed Wrecking Ball in a triumph of talent over ‘tude. Collins carried the torch for the moms in the house, pinning Tina the Stinga. Anaconda and 50-Cal squared off in a classic battle of the baseball-hat blondes.
While 50-Cal’s guns were impressive, Anaconda was unfettered in her quest for the title with a tough win, and the Kosher Krusher stepped up to take down the Bavarian Bomber setting the stage for a fantastic semifinal round.
Collins’s rise from anonymity ended at the semifinals, losing a hard-fought battle to the Kosher Krusher and Anaconda put together just enough technique to back her power to down Bonecrusher.
The two women stepped up to the table with a belt and $125 cash on the line.
Once arm wrestling official Wayde Hollis lifted his hand and said go, Anaconda wasted no time gaining an immediate advantage. The Kosher Krusher held on tight though, carrying her shoulder down with her wrist in an effort to make a comeback. Anaconda wavered ever so slightly and it looked, for a brief moment, that the Krusher would make a comeback.
But Anaconda remained focused on the prize, eventually driving all her power from her lats on down to her wrist for one final twitch and a pin to take the first-ever Gunnison Valley Women’s “Arm-Wrasslin’” title.