“It’s so cute to see them trying so hard”
While rumors swirl about Vail Resorts purchasing Crested Butte Mountain Resort, the truth is the ski industry giant has agreed to be CBMR’s Big Brother, providing gentle encouragement to the fledgling ski area. “We’re looking forward to being a positive role model for this little guy,” explained Vail Resorts CEO Bob Katz. “They’ve got some potential, but just need to direct it in a constructive manner.“
Katz explained that wholesale changes will not take place, but rather friendly nudging and quality time will make a difference. “CBMR’s got a good heart, but they’re just a little slow. They’ve never had a healthy role model to follow, and it shows. I mean, ‘ButteNESS!’ That’s so cute! They’re making up words! But as a marketing plan? A little naïve. ‘Time to Shine?’ I guess they like shiny things.”
The Vail Big Brother team has been spending some time getting to know CBMR’s executives, doing fun things like tubing and Euro-bungying. “Timmy and Kenny are really sweet kids. We’re thinking It’s Time To Take The Keys Back.”
There is room for optimism, however. “The whole Snodgrass situation was like a bully took their favorite toy away,” Katz continued. “There was some sulking, but their tantrum didn’t last long. That’s progress! But we did just hear they’re trying to get next year’s marketing photos from the community instead of professionals. That’s just something a major ski resort shouldn’t do. Naughty, naughty.”
“The truth is, when you lose $4.5 million during a 300+ inch snow year, we have no other recourse but to put them in time out,” said Katz. “It’s for their own good. We needed to do this before they start raising season pass prices. When we explained that adult ski areas like Vail lower season pass prices to generate goodwill and cash, they just started cursing. F-bombs, S-bombs, H-Baumms, all sorts of bombs. After that reaction, we wanted to wash their mouths out with soap but because they couldn’t pay the truck driver there wasn’t any soap in the Axtel Building so a timeout had to suffice.”
“I can’t wait to take uncle Bobby on the zippy line,” said Kenny.
“Great,” replied Katz with a roll of the eyes. “Am I in a time machine? Zips are so 90s but that’s good Kenny. That’s real good.”