Melaniacs Unite, Dyslexics Untie
by Than Acuff
Oh SNAP! BUSTED! Well-done DNC in your effort to stack the primary cards in Hillary’s favor.
Eff Donald, eff Hillary, Melaniacs of America unite and let’s elect Melania Trump,
Wait, where has that Slovenian ice princess been lately? Why, after one apparent plagiarism issue, has she been hidden away? I, myself, don’t consider what she did as plagiarism, she merely restated what has been said in the past that she felt needed repeating. Sometimes great notions merit repeating, even verbatim. Why reinvent the wheel?
We all appreciate a well-done cover song and that’s straight up plagiarism. Why not a cover speech?
Furthermore, she didn’t actually write the speech, she just read it (“I’m Ron Burgundy?”), so I don’t think it’s plagiarism if she didn’t write it.
Melaniacs of America join me in my quest to elect a Slovenian ice princess to the most powerful position in the world. She’ll kick ass, take names, break all of the rules and look good doing it. Also, there’s no doubt that she could easily calm one of the biggest threats to the world, Vladimir Putin.
Or, join forces with him and take complete control.
Speaking of talking trash, the Trash Talkers and Hares threw down at Gothic Field Tuesday night with seven lead changes before the game was decided by one mighty swing of the bat.
Both squads sputtered through the first inning but warmed up in the second to start generating some runs. The Hares opened it when Gary Huresky singled and scored on a base hit from Dave Clement, but the Trash Talkers came right back to put up two runs compliments of a double by Brian Turner and a massive two-run home run by Brice Harrell.
The Hares found their groove for a brief but potent moment in the top of the third inning going with what they know, small ball. Jen Hartman and Zane Wrisley combined for a couple base hits and Frank Pavkov drove them both home with a double to the gap in center. Kent Fulton cracked a power bunt single and Sam Lumb stepped up to score another Hares run with a single to put the Hares back on top 4-2.
The Trash Talkers mixed in their own version of small ball backed by the long ball to take the lead back in the bottom of the third inning. Melvin Seyfried and Cis Berry singled, Dave Seymour drove Seyfried home with a line drive double, Marni Joslyn reached on a power bunt single and Turner pulled out his driver and cleared the bags with a three-run shot over the right field fence for a 7-4 Trash Talkers lead.
But the Hares are fighters and the brief stint of small ball in the top of the third sparked more in the top of the fourth inning knocking in five runs on a series of RBI base hits from Wrisley, Pavkov, Fulton and Lumb, who proved that over 30 years in the leagues has failed to slow him down, stretching a single for a RBI double and a 9-7 Hares lead.
Defense by both teams dominated the next inning as McMullen charged in on a line drive to make a tumbling grab and rob Trash Talker Seyfried of a base hit, and Trash Talkers relief pitcher Steve Rosati flagged down a high chopper up the middle to turn a key out.
Rosati backed his defense up with his bat when he drove a RBI double and then Harrell stepped up for his second home run of the night scoring three and putting the Trash Talkers back on top 11-9 heading into the sixth inning.
Lumb came through once again as he has so many times throughout his prolific career. With two on and two outs, Lumb drove a two RBI double to tie the game 11-11.
The Hares defense held the tie in the bottom of the sixth, but their bats fell silent in the top of the seventh and chants of “extra innings” started reverberating from the stands.
The difference maker came when Rosati punched a base hit into the outfield and stretched it into a double.
The Hares turned the second out on the next hitter but Harrell returned to the plate with Rosati still on second. Having knocked two over the fence already that evening, Frank Stichter, Lumb and Clement held a brief Hares managerial meeting to discuss what to do. Lumb looked to pitch around Harrell but when push came to shove, Lumb left one pitch in Harrell’s wheelhouse and that’s all it took as Harrell knocked his third homer of the game to win it for the Trash Talkers 13-11.