Friday, April 26, 2019
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Town league hockey opens with explosive…tie

“Hell yeah I like beer, it gets me grinning ear from ear”

by Than Acuff

Here we go again, another season of town league hockey is upon us and we are in the midst of another storm. Life is good.

Good thing there’s a roof on the rink.

But before I get into it, it’s been too long since I last visited the trump phenomenon. Too long.

When I last left it, the town league softball season was coming to a close and the trump campaign was looking like a joke, a very scary joke.

And now, at the start of the town league hockey season he will be our next president and that can mean only one thing.

The reduction of environmental oversight (what little there is) on major industries thus leading to the acceleration of climate change?

Yes, but no not that.

Government-sponsored xenophobia?

Kind of, that is if you believe in the transitive theory.

Reduction of women’s rights?

Not necessarily but perhaps reduction of a woman’s right to choose, that is if Mike Pence gets his way.

Reduction of LBGTQ rights?


The opening of pristine wilderness to exploitation by extractive industries?

Yes, but still not the one thing I’m thinking of.

The one thing the election of donald trump means to me is…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Think tall… brunette… high cheek-boned… Slovenian…

It means MELANIA!!!

Damn straight! Our first lady will be a Slovenian hottie by the name of Melania Trump.

If I upset you by calling Melania a “hottie” I apologize. I just thought with donald trump as our president we as a nation were free to be crude since our president-elect is, according to the aforementioned transitive theory, which goes like this.

If A=B and B=C then A=C.

Therefore, if 55 percent of our population actually votes (A 20 year low by the way) and the majority of those who voted, voted for donald trump…

Wait, actually a majority of the 55 percent who voted, voted for Hillary Clinton but there’s this thing called the Electoral College.

You see, back in 1787 the Electoral College was created as a seemingly fair and just way of electing the president. It was an effort to adequately represent…

F**k It.

Back to transitive theory.

If the nation elects trump, and trump is a xenophobic and misogynistic narcissist, the nation is xenophobic, misogynistic and narcissistic.

trump will be our president. He’s here, he’s orange, get used to it.

Ironically, Melania has opted to take on cyber bullying as her pet cause as the first lady.

I reached out to her to see if she would be willing to drop the first puck for the town league season opener but my email was redirected and I now am being inundated with email offers of Russian brides.

“I will do the cooking and makes you verry happy man if you wold just clik on the emails link…”

Hmmmm, thanks Ingla, but I think I’ll pass. My current wife “do the cooking” and she “makes me verry happy man” already. So, I will not be “cliking” on the emails link.

Fortunately, you know where there is a world free of xenophobia, misogyny and, for the most part, narcissism?

Town league hockey.

This year 87 men and women threw their names into the town league hockey draft last week and when the dust settled and the beer was drunk seven teams emerged.

Believe me, it’s gonna be great. Really, really great.

REG has returned looking to defend its 2016 title, but a hasty perusal of the rosters tells me that there are at least four teams with a legitimate shot. That said, just like all hockey title runs, it may come down to the goaltending and Tuesday night at the season opening game, both goalies, Ed Dujardin and Roan Pershke, were spot on with Pershke earning player of the game status.

Kochevar’s set the tone the entire first period dominating the majority of the puck possession and outshooting the Last Steep 14-5. Fortunately for the Last Steep, while they were struggling to find their rhythm up and down the ice, Pershke was lights out in net turning away numerous early chances by Kochevar’s.

Despite their erratic play, the Steep looked to open the scoring five minutes into the game as Ryan Kay broke loose but Niki O’Connor recovered to disrupt the breakaway poking the poke clear just as Kay was set to shoot.

But if you fire enough shots, one’s bound to go in and Kochevar’s finally squeaked one through as Emerson Wohlers found Will Dujardin behind the net and Dujardin finished with the wraparound for a 1-0 Kochevars lead.

Pershke remained stout and the Last Steep gained some steam as the period closed out keeping Kochevar’s close heading into the second period.

The Steep came out better organized up and down the ice in the second period to match Kochevar’s pace. Kochevar’s came desperately close to building on their lead as the puck squirted through Pershke’s pads and sat still in front of an open net only to have Jeff Koether sweep it clear of trouble.

The Steep hung on through the second period down just one goal heading into the third and waiting for their top draft pick Logan DeMarcus to do what he was hired to do, score.

DeMarcus came close early in the third only to have veteran player, the man who defies time, 50-something going on 22 years old, Bob Piccaro poke the puck away to deny DeMarcus a shot.

But it was only a matter of time for DeMarcus to strike and that time came three minutes into the third period. Steep defensewoman Ashley Brizzown skated the puck out of the zone and found DeMarcus cross-ice with a pinpoint pass. DeMarcus took the puck at Nittany Lion speed straight to net beating Ed Dujardin high glove side to tie the game 1-1.

A mere 20 seconds later Kochevar’s struck back when Mikey Weil found Will free in the high slot with a pass and Will finished to put Kochevar’s back on top.

It soon became apparent that both teams were hitting on all cylinders as less than a minute later the Steep returned the favor. Ryan Kay slipped a pass through traffic to Jack Weise and Weise deked and delivered to tie the game back up again 2-2.

DeMarcus then put the Steep on top for the first time all game as he skated coast-to-coast spinning the lone Kochevars defender to pick the upper corner once again for a 3-2 Steep lead.

The game cooled off for the next two minutes until Kochevar’s pressed deep into the Steep’s zone to set up. A couple of passes found Wohlers free at the point and Wohlers fired on net only to have Weil tip the puck brilliantly out of mid air past Pershke tying the game 3-3.

Megan Paden had the last legitimate look for the Steep but her shot pinged off the post and Kochevar’s pressed hard in the final minute to batter the Steep net but Pershke came through once again turning away the last flurry of shots to leave the two teams with a 3-3 tie.

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