Tuesday, April 23, 2019
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KBUT vs. Whetstoners

Not to mention it was a night when Rich Driscoll shared some information with his Whetstoners teammates. Driscoll is 60. Therefore, Driscoll, by current softball rules, is a woman, or can play as a woman. No, not fresh off a “vacation” in Trinidad-type of new woman. He just can hit in the batting order where a woman typically hits.

Not that there’s anything wrong with a “vacation” in Trinidad. And by “vacation” I mean sex change. Because, for some reason, Trinidad, Colo. is considered the sex change capital of the world.

Hold on, I think I’ve covered this topic before. Probably in last year’s Fourth of July issue. Something about America and the Fourth of July makes me think about freedom. And freedom, on this Sunday afternoon, makes me think about sex changes. Or, as it is now known, sex reassignment.

I’d like to reassign some sex.

Oh snap.

Wait, what?

As for Trinidad and sex reassignment, here’s what Wikipedia had to say:

“Trinidad was dubbed the ‘Sex Change Capital of the World’ because a local doctor had an international reputation for performing sex reassignment surgery. In the 1960s, Dr. Stanley Biber, a veteran surgeon returning from Korea, decided to move to Trinidad because he had heard that the town needed a surgeon. In 1969 a local social worker asked him if he would perform the surgery for her, which he learned by consulting diagrams and a New York surgeon. Biber attained a reputation as a good surgeon at a time when very few doctors were performing sex change operations. At his peak, Biber was performing roughly four sex change operations a day, and the term ‘taking a trip to Trinidad’ became a euphemism for some seeking the procedures he offered.”

Back to the game…

The Whetstoners came out in the top of the first strong, knocking three runs in on five base hits with Alex Mattes-Ritz, Lawson Yow and Brad Wigginton doing most of the damage.

KBUT responded immediately when Collin Vossen led off with a triple and scored on a RBI error-assisted double by Christen “Silver Queen” Lindeman. Ed Dujardin followed with a RBI single, Scott Stewart tapped a RBI sac fly to first base (only in softball) and Tyler Lucas put KBUT on top 4-3 with a RBI double to left center.

KBUT tacked on three more runs in the bottom of the second inning as both Vossen and Dujardin made the most of the vacuous outfield at Tommy V with inside the park home runs (ITPHR).

The Whetstoners set themselves up to take the lead back in the top of the third inning as Yow singled and scored on a hit from Wigginton. Another single from Driscoll had the bases loaded with no outs but KBUT pulled off the play of all plays to escape the inning. Pitcher Scott Stewart charged in on a power bunt pop-up to make a shoestring grab as the Whetstoner runners were moving. He turned and fired to Barb Winter at first to double-up that runner and then Winter tossed to second to double-up another runner for the triple play.

Jay McCarthy and Vossen teamed up to drive in two more KBUT runs for a 9-4 lead and after the triple play debacle and two more runs by KBUT, one would think it was time to stick a fork in the Whetstoners cuz they’re done. But, they’re the Whetstoners and if there’s anything I’ve learned in my 20+ years of covering local softball it’s never stick a fork in the Whetstoners, Zach Matthias will bludgeon you with some type of hand-made medieval weapon.

The top of the Whetstoners order brought the team back into the fold as Michelle Fitzgerald led off with a base hit and scored on a two-run ITPHR from Mattes-Ritz. KBUT clamped down to stop them in their tracks that inning and went back to work at the plate in the bottom of the fourth. Dujardin doubled and scored off a triple down the first base line from Stewart. Mamma Kat Harrington scored Stewart with a sac fly RBI, Heather Heinz cracked a two error-assisted RBI triple and McCarthy struck again at the end of the rally with a RBI triple for a 13-6 KBUT lead.

Yow looked to spark a rally from the Whetstoners leading off in the top of the fifth inning, connecting for a line drive but Dujardin’s leaping grab at short robbed Yow of the base hit. At that point, enough was enough for the Whetstoners. Kicked, punched and tossed to the curb, the Whetstoners rose up like a wino reaching for a discarded cigarette butt to turn their day around. Big Air Barb Peters hatcheted a single. Matthias tore off his shirt, put on his wrestling mask and stepped to the plate to slap a single and Driscoll followed with a two-RBI triple. Liz Wigginton tapped a RBI base hit, Kyle “Squirrel” Ryan hustled to first on a power bunt, Fitzgerald walked and Mattes-Ritz cleared the bags with a grand slam ITPHR to tie the game 13-13.

Just as it appeared KBUT was imploding while the Whetstoners were exploding, Vossen put the game back into perspective with a solo ITPHR for KBUT and their defense did the rest as KBUT edged out the 14-13 win.

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