Monday, July 22, 2019
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CBMR prepares for new side country experience (April Fool’s)

We’re doing what we can with what we got. How’d we get this?

by Stan Earmuff

It appears Vail Resorts is moving ahead with its plan to have Crested Butte Mountain Resort become the nation’s first “side country” destination resort. While not confirming the plan to the public because nothing is ever confirmed to the public, shareholders apparently are cheering the move to move to side country.

“We are a publicly traded company and thus can’t say what we are doing,” stated VR spokesperson someone who wouldn’t give their name.

But the plans appear evident to experts who have watched as more and more ski lifts suddenly sit idle. Standing in line as Paradise stopped spinning, guests could ponder the fate of the Teocalli, Twister and Silver Queen lifts that were “resting” that day. A source inside the company said the cost savings were amazing and people were being conditioned to again get used to hiking for the good ski terrain.

“It’s sort of like 1989 when we all hiked to the Glades. God, I miss those days,” said an unidentified ski instructor who has been here more than a few days and likes shots with his beer.

He indicated the movement wasn’t meant to close every lift but rather copy the business model of Silverton, but with a capital twist where limited lift access will ferry skiers to places they have to spend money. Look for more warming houses and even some retail outlets to be constructed on the mountain over the summer but absolutely no more bars.

“We are leaving money on the table,” said the shotski-loving ski instructor as he bought a shot of Fireball on his client’s credit card at Paradise. “But I’ll roll with it.”

“We are a publicly traded company and thus can’t say what we are doing,” stated VR spokesperson someone who wouldn’t give their name.

Look for the opportunity to ride Red Lady and start the walk next year sometime in November…

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