Tuesday, July 23, 2019
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Town going vertical with snow storage (April Fool’s)

Mt. CB taking a different view

By Shayla Kidmar

The town of Crested Butte has run out of places to put the plowed snow so they are partnering with the CB Fire District to use their ladder trucks to form stacked snow piles sort of like a giant white jenga while ensuring life safety by installing sprinklers above the snow mounds.

“I wouldn’t say its new technology, in fact it is sort of old school but it works,” said Crested Butte public works director Shay Lately. “It takes some time but we are able to slowly stack the flakes using the ladder tracks and the infinite number of free wood pallets we see all over town on the curbs.”

The town has run out of empty lots to store the snow in the center of town and the gravel pit wetlands can only take so much additional wetness so the snow stacker idea was inevitable.

“We just didn’t anticipate needing to replace places to put snow after last year when it was warm and everyone gave us crap for buying a lot downtown for a billion dollars,” said town planner Miguel el Widespreado. “This snow thing just sort of snuck up on us. I mean Global Warming is a real thing isn’t it? I thought we were beyond snow storage but those Vail people are pretty good when it comes to the winter experience. God they have a lot of money.”

Former fire marshal Scott Slimmer wanted to make it clear that each snowflake was sprinkled safely.

The town of Mt. Crested Butte has decided to just keep putting the snow in its parking lot. “It makes us look a lot fuller,” noted genius Mt CB planner Carlo Venango.

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