Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Rasta Hairnets hold off spread of Staff Infection

Good for the flu, good for asthma, good for tuberculosis, even umara composis

by Than Acuff

Umara composis? What in the hell is that? Google search is somewhat ambivalent but speculates that it could mean menstrual pain.

So there’s that.

More important though, the Rasta Hairnets held off the spread of a Staff Infection late in their game last Wednesday to emerge with a 19-17 win.

Prior to the game I was informed, once again, that I “should have been there last week.” Apparently, and according to the Staff Infections, they had an amazing game the week prior, including an “epic” catch by Mel Yemma.

Just like how I missed the affordable housing AMI breakdown regarding the Paradise Park project when I wrote about that two weeks ago, I also missed the Staff Infections’ best game.

You see:

1. There are six homes in Phase 1 priced to be affordable to households earning at or below 120 percent of Area Median Income (AMI). For a two-person household, 120 percent AMI equals $68,160 annual income, not $38,000.

2. There are nine homes priced to be affordable to households earning between 130 percent to 150 percent of AMI. For a two-person household, 150 percent AMI equals $85,200 annual income.

3. We will allow households that earn up to 200 percent of AMI to qualify for the lottery. For a two-person household, 200 percent AMI equals $113,600.

My bad, sorry.

What if we just put up a gate and start booting latecomers out and prevent newcomers from coming in? Except for the rich people. We still got an igloo, I mean an arts center, to build. That way we don’t have to provide affordable housing and, therefore, there are no meetings about affordable housing and, therefore, I don’t have to cover it for the paper and apparently get it grotesquely wrong.

“Sorry folks, park’s closed, moose out front shoulda told you.”

Have you guys heard about this town called Rico? It’s awesome and you should check it out.

Me? I’m good here but I really think you would like it. It’s like Crested Butte back in, well, never. And there are blue heron and lynx and waterfalls and…

But I digress.

After the first three innings, I felt a tinge of sorrow for not being at the previous Staff Infections game because the game I was at was looking like another snooze-fest blowout as the Rastas exploded for a 15-1 lead over the hapless Staff Infections.

It started in the bottom of the first inning as the Rastas scored four runs. They added seven more runs paced by error-assisted base hits including a three-run error-assisted inside the park home run (EAITPHR) from Thomas McLean.

Once the fourth inning hit, the Rastas were up 15-1 and the main attraction was watching some folks struggle to keep their collection of puppies and dogs from not spilling their cans of White Claw.

Then Heather Culley happened. Culley had just granted the Staff Infections a reprieve from the pummeling with her defensive work and then brought her bat to the game in the top of the fourth inning.

It all started innocently enough as Jess Thomas and Cole Sanford singled and Janna Hansen cracked a two RBI single. Kyle Thomas, Sarah Why and Kent Cowherd drove in additional runs for the Staff Infections with base hits and Tyler Hansen loaded the bases with a single and Culley stepping to the plate. Culley seized the moment punching a line drive into deep left field, the left fielder’s legs seized chasing it down and everyone got on their horse and ran for a grand slam muscle-pull inside the park home run (GSMPITPHR, not to be confused with UGRWCD of GVRHA).

Roland Mason then followed with a triple and scored on a single from Melissa Peterson and the Staff Infections were now within four runs and spreading. But… there’s a 10-run rule and Staff Infections had reached their 10-run allotment so, despite still being down four runs, that was the end of their rally.

The uptick in the Infections woke the Rastas up and they spent the next two innings rebuilding their lead. Ali McGuire singled and scored on another RBI hit from McLean and two more base hits led to two more Rasta runs and a 19-13 lead before Tyler Hansen charged and barehanded a slow grounder and fired to first base to stop the Rastas in their tracks.

Defense carried both teams through the sixth inning and the Staff Infections put in one last push in the top of the seventh inning. Culley doubled and scored when Mason cracked a two-run home run over the left field netting. Ian Baird doubled and scored and Kyle Thomas tapped a RBI single to left but the Infections team was ultimately stopped in its tracks as the Rastas turned the third and final out to cap their 19-17 win.

Good for Staff Infections…

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