Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Last Steep cruises to hockey win over Clark’s Market

Do you know who this is? No, who is this is?

by Than Acuff

Wrap your head around that genius in the subhead. It’s an excerpt from Cheech Marin and I’ve been working my way through it for the past two days after hearing it on KBUT.

Speaking of genius, the Last Steep played some borderline genius hockey Monday night as they cruised to a 7-3 win over Clark’s Market. Furthermore, I know I sound like a broken record here but seriously, the Clark’s Market parking lot renders even the smartest of individuals hopelessly lost as they try to negotiate their way through there and find a parking spot. And while you Facebook trolls look to shame people who park on the sidewalk in front of Clark’s, I applaud their decision-making. Rather than circle hopelessly looking for a spot causing additional chaos they obviously go into F*** It mode and call it for what it is. Utter chaos where only the strong and adaptable survive. You’re going to need those qualities when the s***storm really hits once Trump wins again, and he will.

I would suggest you hit Clark’s Market parking lot as often as possible to see how you stack up amidst the chaos because that will offer you insight into your psyche. You don’t need a therapist to tell you that if Clark’s parking lot causes you fits you got bigger issues because… I just did and you’re welcome.

I will say that the Last Steep passing caused fits for Clark’s Market. It was really uncanny how well the Last Steep moved the puck and it wasn’t all Mike Lauerman and Shane McGuinness, either.

It didn’t take long to see how the game would play out as the Last Steep scored the quickest goal in town league history when Eric Dishmon slipped the puck through traffic and into the bottom corner eight seconds into the game.

By the way, the quickest goal scored in an NHL match from the opening whistle is five seconds and is shared by Doug Smail of the Winnipeg Jets in 1981, Bryan John Trottier of the New York Islanders in 1984 and Alexander Mogilny of the Buffalo Sabers in 1991.

You’re welcome for that also.

Granted, Clark’s Market struck back 40 seconds later when Jack Weise found the back of the net and it appeared for a minute, actually two, that we had a game. But the Last Steep passing had Clark’s Market heads spinning and they scored two more in the first period as Dennis Magnetti skated around the Clark’s goal to slip in a backhand in the fourth minute and then a series of tape-to-tape passing set up Ian Dethloff for the third Last Steep goal in the final minute of the first period and a 3-1 Last Steep lead.

The Last Steep continued to punish Clark’s Market in the opening minutes of the second period as well. Mike Wright scored a mystery no-angle goal to put the Steep up 4-1 and then after Clark’s goalie Roan Perschke turned away a series of shots, McGuinness eventually found a seam between Perschke’s pads for a 5-1 lead.

Remarkably though, Clark’s turned their game around midway through the second period and started to take back the night scoring when Dakota Wiggins took a long pass up the ice and beat Eric DiMarco one-on-one. We now had ourselves a game and things were looking good for… Actually, the Last Steep responded 12 seconds later to take a 6-2 lead into the third period.

Clark’s Market did score a third goal on a powerplay to breathe a little more life into their game but the Last Steep had the final say as Dethloff scored again capping the 7-3 win.

See you in Clark’s parking lot, where only the strong survive.

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