April Fools: U.S. dictionary board to adjust definition of heroine…at least in C.B.

“It’s just easier since the paper can’t get it right…”

[ By Tan Acluff ]

Miriam Webster officials announced this week it was adjusting the definition of heroine to include the meaning of the drug heroin. The move comes after several residents of a small Colorado town were continually being confused by the apparent disregard for proofreading by the local newspaper.

“There’s a small paper in Colorado that just can’t seem to understand the spelling of heroin versus heroine,” explained Toby Albright of the dictionary company. “The first time it happened in a Crested Butte News headline our headquarters were inundated by concerned citizens confused why a man was arrested for distributing Wonder Women. And then it happened again when the newspaper reported a court hearing on the matter. It’s not like they made a typo and it only happened once. It looks like they’re going to just keep doing it and we have a responsibility to young people trying to grasp the English language. Our board just figured it was easier to adjust the definition to make it easier for local people confused by the spelling.”

Albright admitted the fact the CB News was one of the few places that actually bought a hard copy of the dictionary helped the board in its decision making. “The board members, comprised of 23 men all over 94 years old, were empathetic and they didn’t want them to have to keep running corrections,” he added.

“We appreciate the dictionary board coming to their senses,” remarked CB News editor Mark Redman. “For us, having a heroine in the paper weekly is a positive thing and one of our mini goals. Plus proofreeding is overrated and spellcheck doesn’t work. The fact is that in Cresteed Butte we’re all pretty laid back here so what’s an extra ‘e’ between friends? I’m glad Toby agreees.”

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