“Everyday people go out there and they do something with their lives, and everyday it isn’t you and it isn’t me”
by Than Acuff
Aspen Extreme, once dubbed the “Top Gun” of the ski slopes, will live on in infamy as one of those movies. You know, one of those movies that is so bad it’s good.
And thanks to the latest addition to the local softball league, CB Extreme (“Dream big or don’t dream at all, baby”), that movie will continue to gain cult status, as it should.
Raise your hand if Aspen Extreme was a part of why you moved here. It wasn’t for me. A report in first grade on the state of Colorado, Blizzard of Ahhhhs and an uncle who lived in Ketchum, Idaho is why I moved west. Did you know the Colorado state bird is the lark bunting?
But I’m sure Aspen Extreme is why some may have moved to a ski town.
I can’t believe they haven’t come out with Aspen Extreme II. Or are we living it now?
Let’s see, a couple of guys moving to town and having trouble finding housing. Overpriced and oversized homes that people live in two weeks a year. Avalanches.
Good Lord, help me, Good Lord, help us all.
Until our destiny comes to fruition though, we will have CB Extreme (“Vail? Nah, it looks like the guy who designed Wendy’s went nuts in this place”), Psycho Rocks, town league softball and even some heated exchanges bordering on fisticuffs. Or at least one heartfelt extended middle finger toward someone while being held back by a neutral party.
Admit it, there’s nothing like the good ol’ middle finger.
But before the late game fireworks, the two teams were embattled in a quality match-up between a couple of Wednesday league title potentials, if Pita’s OGs decides to stop playing, that is.
Psycho Rocks struck first as Montana Wiggins doubled and scored on a double from Rosa Greeley. Ally Kranz, Jason Keener and Sara Chesebrough followed that with RBI hits as well and Psycho was off to a 4-0 lead.
CB Extreme (“Skiing’s the easy part, Karl”) knocked in two runs on a hit from Ben Somrak and a sacrifice fly ball by Callie Aspinwall when Wiggins’ throw to home landed in the new sledding hill being built next to the Gas Café. They looked to tack on a few more until Psycho Rock Matt Slankard chased down a fly ball at the warning track and the next batter popped out to the pitcher to end the inning.
Psycho tacked on four more runs with a two-out rally led by Wiggins and Greeley again. Matt Roettger found his swing for a RBI double, Keener looped a RBI single and Psycho Rocks was up 8-2 and looking in charge.
But, looks can be deceiving and CB Extreme (“Relax, we’re not curing cancer here. We’re teaching people how to slide down hills with sticks on their feet”) spent the next three innings taking over the game.
Andrea Rybarz sparked the Extreme surge with a lead-off single in the bottom of the third inning. Somrak then stroked a double, turned single, and then back into a double as Psycho Rocks played hot coals with the ball. Aspinwall drove those two in with a single, Jess Forbes tapped a RBI single, Pete Richmond pushed another run in with a sac fly and Psycho Rocks player/manager was forced to go to the bullpen early, pulling the starting pitcher and stepping to the mound himself to try to stop the bleeding.
The move did nothing to slow down CB Extreme (“Smell that? Winter’s coming”) as Jeremy Rubingh drove another run in with a single and a powerbunt from Laura Haselton sparked a sequence of events that sums up Psycho Rocks. Mixon charged off the mound to scoop up the powerbunt, good, made an atrocious throw to first to try to get the out, bad, but Keener chased the ball down and fired home to Chesebrough to deny the run, good.
Bart Consedine soon quashed the feel-good sensation among Psycho Rocks as he stepped up to the plate to knock a two-run inside the park home run for a 10-8 CB Extreme (“We got a renegade going OB”) lead.
The Extreme pummeling continued in the bottom of the fourth inning with Evan Strong knocking a RBI single, Scott Sanders punching a two RBI triple to right, Drew Holbrook tagging a RBI double to deep centerfield and Sean Slattery slaughtering a three-run home run over the centerfield fence for an Extreme 18-8 lead.
Slankard did connect for a RBI single showing some wheels in the process, Roettger cracked a three-run home run of his own, there was a heated exchange and then the game was over as CB Extreme (“Part of the job is fulfilling a fantasy. And you are the fantasy”) fended off the late-game Psycho Rocks rally for a 20-15 win.