Caroline Czenkusch takes arm wrestling title

Star-studded affair for some serious smack down

Let’s begin with the names of the contestants at the Third Annual KBUT Women’s Arm Wrestling Tournament.

Grammas Got Gunz, Poofie Foofie, Chanda Bear, Jizzy One, Iron Maiden, GJ Stoner, Peaceful Hippy, Whizz Bang Pop, the Big Jewnit and Depth Hoar, to name just a few.
Now the scene, with VIP ringside seating sold out the day before and Two Plank Productions broadcasting the feed via the TOTT (Talk of the Town) channel to all flat screen TVs throughout the bar, it was the real deal. Or, as real as it can get at the Talk of the Town in Crested Butte.
It was anyone’s title for the taking at the Talk of the Town Saturday night. With Lonesome Dove out, it was time for a new women’s arm wrestling champion and the who’s who of local burls—burly girls—were on hand.
Carol Quinn, always a treat, for a number of reasons, was there. For one, Quinn is a grandmother and makes the trip every year up from Gunnison to compete.
Cindy Czarnick-Ervin, aka Bonecrusher, thrives on technique and was in the house.
Lauren Alkire, formerly the Hebrew Hammer and the Kosher Krusher, came in with another nickname compliments of Dave Seymour: the Big Jewnit. A combination of Alkire’s religious heritage and a former pitcher on her favorite baseball team the Seattle Mariners. (Still confused? Judaism meets Randy “The Big Unit” Johnson.)
In addition, there were a couple of dark horses lurking about the bar, including a pre-event pick, GJ Stoner, whose physique was slight but showed signs of serious latissimi dorsi, or lats, beneath her baggy shirt (two years ago that same physique took the title when Anne “Anaconda” Morrison won the first annual).
The opening round was a series of smack-downs interspersed with the occasional serious stand-off.
The Big Jewnit caused a stir early proving she was there on a mission, pinning her first opponent in less than five seconds.
GJ Stoner did the same in her first match, making quick work of her worthy opponent, Chanda Bear.
Mighty Heidi had a coming out party in the later matches of the second round of the night. Bonecrusher has always been a force to be reckoned with and was looking to advance with another technically sound quick pin, but Heidi had something else in mind.
Heidi got Bonecrusher extended early and then drove it home for the pin to advance to the third round of matches.
The comeback of the night came in the opening match of the third round as Kristin Lawrynk, aka Poofie Foofie, took on Shorti.
A foul early in the match forced a restart and Shorti looked to capitalize, making a quick move to get Foofie just inches away from elimination. But Foofie was far from done and beneath her frilly dress beat the heart of a furious competitor as she proceeded to pull her way back into the match and then channel some anger deep down inside to pin Shorti and advance.
The Big Jewnit made quick work of Grammas Got Gunz and then Poofie soon after, which event emcee John Mardesich dubbed the “six-second war.” Meanwhile, Caroline Czenkusch—aka Depth Hoar—sent opponent after opponent packing with a deliberate style.
Her technique was a two-pronged attack. First, keep the liquid intake to a minimum during the event. Second, Czenkusch said, “some breathing techniques did come into play” that she picked up prior to her first match but she is reluctant to divulge any specifics in hopes of using it again next year.
Two and a half hours into the event there were three ladies left standing, with Grammas Got Gunz and the Big Jewnit battling in the finals of the losers bracket to return to the winner’s bracket and a shot at the title against Depth Hoar.
The Big Jewnit sent a surly Gramma to the loser’s bracket three matches earlier in the night so the rematch was on and Gramma came in determined, having pinned her last two opponents in no time.
But the Big Jewnit wanted another shot at Depth Hoar, having lost to her two matches prior, and pinned Gramma to reach the championship bout.
Depth Hoar stayed the course in her technique as Jewnit went all in from the very start. Hoar held her ground and the two were locked in a straight-up stalemate until Hoar saw her window, dropped the hammer and pinned Jewnit to take the Third Annual KBUT Women’s Arm Wrestling title.
“I was as surprised as everyone else,” says Czenkusch of her win. “Last year I spent a lot of time on my costume and it didn’t go over so well, so I just wanted to give everyone another chance to appreciate it.”