Lords of Dirt digs out a win over Screwballs

Kids wallop parents 10-5

By Than Acuff 

While the Tuesday/Thursday softball league wraps up the post season today, that is if you’re reading the paper on Thursday, the Wednesday league is in the thick of their playoffs and there are so many questions and so many possibilities.

First of all, what’s up with the latest round of UFO intel that is now circulating thanks to three military veterans and their testimony before Congress? According to their testimony, the U.S. has recovered non-human biologics from alleged crash sites. Which then begs the question, what are non-human biologics? 

A quick trip down the internet rabbit hole has some non-so-riveting video footage of these UFOs, or now known as UAPs. How is it that the U.S. Air Force video capabilities remain woefully poor? I mean the supposed UAP video footage that I watched recorded last year makes the Zapruder film look high def.

Still, with CGI and AI, all bets are off. Our concerns should not be about space, our concerns are right here on earth.

The call is coming from inside the house.

Good news though, thanks to an email I just got from Claire Martin-Tellis Tuesday morning, I learned that “a new study finds some of the most beautiful people on earth were born right in Colorado.” In fact, “Colorado ranks #10 for places in America that birth the hottest celebrities.”

So there’s that.

Now that the lede (or lead) has been sufficiently buried… Pitsker Field was crawling with some of America’s most beautiful human biologics all afternoon and into the evening on Wednesday, July 26, starting with the annual parent-kid (little-league) baseball game. With Dave “Mac” McGuire on the mound, the parents struggled at the plate while the kids lit Mac up for 10 runs to beat their parents 10-5.

As the kids were slurping down their celebrational cooler full of Otter Pops, the Lords of Dirt and Screwballs then took over Pitsker Field in the first round of the Wednesday playoffs. It was quite the opening round too for the Wednesday league with all nine teams playing at all three fields throughout town that evening and all kinds of exciting stuff. Suffice it to say, there were three different places where I “should have been there.”

But, until AI catches up with my New York birthed beauty to create two more of me, I can only be in one place at one time, and that was Pitsker Field.

The Screwballs were openly concerned regarding the venue as Sugar Hopkins stated, “We don’t play very well here. Well, nobody really does.”

The Lords of Dirt defense set the tone in the top of the first inning. Aside from giving up a stand-up triple to Greg Flynt, the Lords of Dirt defense shut the other three Screwball hitters down including a leaping grab by Katie McKernan at second base to Rob Hopkins of a base hit.

The Lords of Dirt offense then backed up the defense to put up five runs in the bottom of the first. Mike Molaison and McKernan kicked it off with back-to-back singles and then scored when Robbie Holleran and Sophia Gonzales connected for RBI doubles. The Screwballs turned the next two outs, but Colin Dill then singled and Holly McFadden and Jake Sunter each stroked RBI singles for a 5-0 Lords of Dirt lead. 

Marshall Dean Rickey, a name worthy of country music stardom, then led off the top of the second inning for the Screwballs with a triple to centerfield and scored off a single by 2018 Crested Butte table tennis champion Reggie Park. But it stopped there as the Lords of Dirt held the Screwballs to their lone run and then tacked on two more runs thanks, once again, to base hits by Molaison and McKernan and RBI hits by Holleran and Gonzales. 

Bats went relatively silent for both teams for the next three innings with just one run scored between the two teams as a single from Flynt, a sacrifice hit from Hopkins pushed Flynt to second base and a single up the middle by Rickey then scored Flynt. 

The Screwballs woke the game back up in the top of the sixth inning as Flynt connected for a solo inside the park home run, Hopkins and Rickey singled and Park drove in an RBI to pull the Screwballs within three of the Lords of Dirt. 

That was as close as they would get though as the Lords of Dirt scored three more runs in the bottom of the sixth inning and retired the side in the top of the seventh inning for the 10-4 win. 

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