APRIL FOOLS: Towns and county look at economic booster shot

It worked once, why not twice?

by Mark Reeman

Given the obvious need to jumpstart the local economy when the coronavirus spread is stemmed, the Gunnison County commissioners and the town councils of Crested Butte and Mt. Crested Butte have begun tossing around a variety of ideas to jumpstart the economy once restrictions are lifted. At a special meeting held last Wednesday, the elected officials gave the thumbs up to have the Tourism and Prosperity Project reach out and negotiate with Anheuser Busch for a repeat of Whatever USA. The hope is to replicate the one event that brought more people and more marketing to Crested Butte than anything in its history.

“This whole thing reminds me of May 1979,” noted Crested Butte mayor Jim Schmidz. “There’s no where to eat, not a lot to do, liquor and weed are everywhere and everyone is wandering around in haze. It’s sort of the good old days. But good ‘ol days change and frankly I had a really good time at Whatever. Plus the people and publicity it brought in were over the top. It sent us into the top tier of mountain resorts and inspired Big Blue in the town park.”

“Drastic times call for drastic measures,” noted Crested Butte mayor pro tem Will Dujargreypoupon. “It’s not something I would support in normal times but you tell me if these are normal times. My friends suddenly have plenty of places to live and second homeowners aren’t allowed to even show up. We can tax them without ever having to see them. Sometimes the universe takes care of itself. I say Go Blue!”

“We look at ‘Whatever-The Sequel’ as a booster shot of fun and money,” said TAPP director John Notions. “Everyone had so much fun last time and made so much money it was a success beyond expectations. It brought us together and put us on the map for fun-loving millennials. It worked once, why not twice? Normally I’d be focused on fun trails but I think putting the hot tubs back at Third and Elk is a better use of our money in these times. Those kids that were hooking up on Florida beaches last week will be ready for some mountain town Tindering about July.”

Crested Butte councilman Chris Have-at-em and county commissioner John Messmaker both volunteered to head the prancersize event. “I had never heard of prancersize until Whatever and now I do it in my living room pretty much four times a week,” said a proud Messmaker. “I’m a top amateur prancersizer these days. Check out my YouTube channel. It is soooooo much fun.”

“He is one of the tops in the world,” confirmed Have-at-em. “I’ve been prancersizing with John for about two years now and it has not only kept me trim, it has improved my mental attitude almost as much as my daily beer tastings with guests. I love prancersize. With John’s global reputation I think we will draw tens if not 20s of people just for that.”