“It’s a jungle out there. They’re like stink on a monkey”
[ by Ivan Inkling ]
To say Crested Butte’s non-profit landscape has become saturated is an understatement. If there’s a cause, there’s a non-profit for it. If there’s someone who believes in that non-profit but thinks they can do better, there’s a redundant non-profit for that one. It’s no secret, non-profit directors are hungry, and affluent new Crested Butte homeowners are what’s for dinner.
Recognizing the challenges that new locals are facing, and seeing an opportunity to break from his existing non-profit job to start another 501c3, former fundraising director Chip Sewell has announced the creation of CB’s newest non-profit, “The Non-Profit, Profit, Non-Profit” or NOPPNOP or NoPeePee for short.
“I’ve lived here for two years, so I know what makes this town tick,” said Sewell. “But I haven’t lost my Front Range edge and can still seamlessly interact with new wealthy locals. I can sympathize with the challenges they face moving to a small town with a war chest of money and not knowing what to do with it. I was in that same place when I moved here, but I toughed it out, bought a $2M house before the market got REALLY crazy, remodeled and redecorated it twice and went to work, sort of. Now I’ve found my calling.”
Creation of NoPeePee couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. New wealthy CB locals have flooded the valley and non-profits are getting aggressive in courting potential donors.
“It’s like the dating scene in the ‘70s,” said long-time resident Stan Lumb. “Back in the day, you had to bring your A-game or else you were going home to spend the night with Rosy.”
CB’s newest wealthy local Brit Hume, fresh in from the Front Range, was the first to contact NoPeePee for their services.
“I had just bought a spec house sight unseen, so I was excited to get here to start being local. We finally got here, plugged in the electric Volvo, and immediately immersed ourselves in all things CB,” explained Hume. “However, I knew I had a problem when I was on my way to buy some Romps and someone from the Nordic Center stopped me to ask if I’d donated yet. Before I could answer, CBMBA ran them over with an E-Fat bike and asked me if I’d like to have a Legacy Trail named after me for $50k. I literally had to run away on foot because I was so new to town and hadn’t had enough time to buy a vintage townie bike with just the right patina.”
Sewell set up a series of meet and greets for Hume where CB’s non-profits could flop it on the table to show Hume what they were working with.
“It brings me joy to see a new local cut a fat check to a non-profit so they can continue doing whatever it is they do. However, facilitating those meaningful exchanges are only a small part of what we do at NoPeePee,” says Sewell. “We also help CB’s new locals integrate into the local culture. From yelling at people to slow down to bitching about Vail ruining our town to complaining about all of the new people moving here wanting to change it. We’re full service. We even teach them everyone’s nicknames and help them identify all three brothers from Ace Hardware. When we part ways, we give them an “I Brake for Al Maunz” bumper sticker, not that they know what that means. I’m still not sure what it means but I get the knowing nod from others so I figure it’s cool.”
At press time, Hume had gone broke by donating to every non-profit in the valley and finally buying a pair of Romps. After all of their effort to integrate, they still had not been able to figure out the prison riot-like chaos of a CB lift line on a powder day. To help them navigate that challenge, CB’s newest, newest non-profit, “Lord of the Flies for Dummies” has just started up in a Sprinter Van on Butte Ave. by two influencers that were lured here by a Travel Crested Butte Instagram post.