The Crested Butte News Serving the Gunnison Valley since 1999
The Ten Commandments
By Than Acuff
Not sure if anyone heard but just last week the Louisiana legislature passed a law requiring that all schools display the Ten Commandments, you know the ones. Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not covet, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not commit adultery, etc. etc.
The law requires a poster-sized display of the Ten Commandments in “large, easily readable font” in all public classrooms, from state-funded universities all the way down to kindergarten.
“Miss Appleby, um, um, um what does adulty mean? This one time, this one time, I was riding my bike and, this one time, I saw Ty’s mom with Mr. Pelhomme down the street in his car. And, and, and they looked like they were wrestling in the car. Were they doing adulty?”
“It’s adultery not adulty Eli and nevermind that, let’s get back to story time.”
“Miss Appleby? Trevor took my apples at snack time and, and, and I got sad. That was stealing right? That was stealing. So, Trevor is going to hell right?”
“I don’t want to go to hell Miss Appleby.”
“Trevor’s going to hell. Trevor’s going to hell. Trevor’s going to hell.”
“Godammit class, just shut up. Trevor’s not going to hell and Ty’s mom is not going to hell.”
“Miss Appleby?”
“What is it, Jane.”
“You’re not supposed to say the GD-word.”
“F*** it, RECESS!”
“Yayyyyy!!!”
Yeah you right?
Nah, you wrong Louisiana.
What is right is town league softball, free of most Ten Commandment violations, although I have a few Commandments of softball.
Thou shalt learn the infield fly rule.
Thou shalt not strike out looking.
Thos shalt not, not drink beer because it’s a big game.
Thou shalt let the girls play.
Thou shalt hit the cutoff man.
Thou (thou being me) shalt always report an error as a base hit.
Thou shalt park diagonally on the north side of Gothic Road.
Thou shalt not ramble on.
Where were we.
Right, the Inglorious Batters and CB Extreme played Wednesday evening at Gothic Field and while the energy was noticeably subdued, as was the play, the game was not without highlights.
It was a game that opened rather gloriously as Bron Walton exploited a lack of outfielders in the CB Extreme defense with a solo inside the park home run. Bobby Crimi then doubled and scored stretching for home on a ground out and a 2-0 lead.
After a hitless bottom of the first inning and hitless top of the second inning led to one player commenting “that kinda game huh,” CB Extreme’s roster for the game filled and they knocked in two runs on a triple by Brett Hubert, an RBI single by Mick Demi and an RBI single from Josh Ferrell.
CB Extreme then turned a 4-3-1 double play to stop Inglorious from retaking the lead and took a 3-2 lead in the bottom of the third inning as Jolene Dreith singled and scored on a double by Hubert.
The Inglorious Batters found some swing in the top of the fourth inning as Stu Jernigan led off with a single, Crimi doubled and both scored when Ferrell tripled off the fence for a 4-3 lead until Demi stepped to the plate for CB Extreme to send a solo shot to tie the game 4-4.
The two teams traded runs once again through the fifth and sixth innings as Troy Russ switch hit an RBI single for Inglorious and then Hubert and Demi combined for doubles to tie it up 5-5 and perhaps more until Renee Masters charged in on a line drive to centerfield to make the grab and keep the game tied.
Neither team would score in the seventh, forcing the game into extra innings and while there are rules in place to enable scoring in extra innings, the two teams decided they would rather play it just like any other inning.
Inglorious Batters used the extra at bat to build a 7-5 lead in the top of the eighth as Russ doubled and scored when Connor Beard singled to left and then also scored.
CB Extreme made it interesting as Hubert led off with a double and scored thanks once again to Demi, but the Inglorious Batters defense made the necessary plays to get the necessary outs and take the 7-6 win.
