The Crested Butte News Serving the Gunnison Valley since 1999
CBMR looking at snowpack concerns in short-term, equity shift in long-term
By Mark Reamen
This week’s unusual March heatwave that is expected to continue through the end of the ski season is wreaking havoc at Crested Butte Mountain Resort. That could result in an early closing of the resort that was slated to stay open until April 6. Daytime temperatures reaching into the mid to high 50-degree range while overnight lows not dipping below freezing is rapidly deteriorating the snowpack and the worry is that lack of snow will create overwhelming safety concerns. Resort officials are looking at an orderly shutdown of lifts starting this weekend.
“We are doing everything we can to maintain our epic snowpack, but our projections indicate we may have to close the lower mountain by early this weekend and the Queen and Paradise could stop spinning by Tuesday the 1st at the latest,” said CBMR general manager JD Cricket. “We are considering using a so-called dry-load for customers on the Silver Queen that will get them to Paradise Bowl up until Tuesday, but we are predicting that ski pod won’t last much longer.”
CBMR officials have discussed a number of ways to try and preserve the snow including erecting giant tarps to the south along the peak to block direct sunlight, but officials did not want to block the views of a lifetime.
Vail Resort officials are not blaming CBMR management for the situation, but many top VR corporate executives also don’t care, and some have admitted they are surprised that Crested Butte is even part of its portfolio given its size and weird reputation. “As far as our accounting people are concerned, it can be 75 and sunny all season long and it wouldn’t move the needle on our bottom line,” admitted VR mountain division VP Billy Stone of the Broomfield corporate headquarters. “In fact, the situation has us reevaluating our equity position in that place full of costumes and strange people.”
The Crested Butte News was accidentally included on a group text between Vail Resort, executives of the Elevation Hotel property, and for some reason US Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth. The chat indicates Vail was willing to do an even exchange with the Elevation…the ski area permit would be traded for the deck at Jose’s.
“Not to rag on the two beach chairs at Paradise or the playlist rocking the Painter Boy lifties with Christopher Cross, but that Jose deck is the only sign of life we see up there,” said one visiting VR accountant. “We’d have to lower the thump, thump, thump volume because that’s a little wild for our preferred brand, but that deal would be a steal for us.”
Other options
Meanwhile, Director of Global Experiences (DOGE) for Vail Resorts, Chip Blankenship announced on Friday that after lackluster pass sales globally; lift mechanics and ski patrollers wanting a fair wage nationally; and the ire generated locally, CBMR will now likely be under new ownership by the end of next season.
“It’s been a trying relationship,” sighed Blankenship. “It’s like that woman you meet at the bar. A little rough around the edges but you don’t notice because of the bad lighting. Still super fun though and a great time to start but then she has you doing shots, hot boxing in a parked car, and robbing a convenience store when one of her front teeth falls out. It’s fun but ‘live free, die hard’ doesn’t play in the real world. And Crested Butte is not the real world.”
Bigger picture issues also point to the need for Vail Resorts to sell.
“In keeping with our Be Wild/Wild Side mantra, we gave the green light to get terrain open wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling, but that costs money and people still don’t come here to ski,” says Blankenship. “Not enough people anyway. Turns out, Wild Side or Be Wild or whatever that Wild saying is doesn’t pay the bills.”
Then there’s the actual terrain. While Crested Butte Mountain looks good on Instagram with the right angle and the right lighting, surveys of visitors from the Front Range tell a different story.
“Responses were pretty unanimous,” says Blankenship. “Things like ‘too hard to get to’ and ‘where do I park?’ top the survey. Visitors said they were put off by the Paradise high speed quad actually being a high speed stop lift, too many jokes like, ‘what’s in your backpack?’ And then almost unanimously, ‘it’s so rocky!’ We prefer the back bowls at Vail and Peak 10!”
It’s been a five-year odyssey to put lipstick on the pig and she was all dressed up and ready to be sold at auction. Problem was, no one was looking to buy, at least not buy a pretty pig.
“With interest dropping even with the Elevation or whatever Beckwith stuff they want to be called, and tariffs rising, it’s pretty clear there’s not a whole lot of interest in Crested Butte, or any purchase for that matter. Thanks a lot Biden,” says Blankenship. “So, we embraced the Wild Side one last time and put it out on Facebook that we would hand the resort over to the first person to walk through the door in Broomfield. Turns out, we found someone.”
So, who is the new future owner of Crested Butte Mountain Resort? Well, he’s been hard to find but Vail Resorts provided a picture of him. Mostly to help track him down.
“Look, I didn’t really talk to the guy, Bill I think? I have assistants doing that,” says Blankenship. “But he looks like he’s a good fit. Unkempt and seemingly confused. You know, wild. If you see this man, let him know while the skiing usually gets even better in April, it’s best to just close up shop.”
