Lords of Dirt buries Butte & Co

Operation title run

by Than Acuff 

You’ve heard of Five Guys Burgers. Now there’s Five Guys Batters.

As soon as the Lords of Dirt fell to Mountain Colors last year in the Wednesday league title game, they set out on a mission to make sure it never happens again. That mission included looking to the elders for support as they scoured the player market during the off-season to bolster their roster by bringing in men of a certain age, specifically men 60 years old or older, including Dave “Mac” McGuire who coached many of the guys on the Lords of Dirt as little league players some 20 years ago. As a result, they have five men in a row stepping to the plate in their batting order, all who seem to be extremely proficient batters.

Per league rules a male player 60 years or older may be counted as a coed player and thus play in the field as a coed player and be placed in the batting order as a coed player, or in other words, a female player.

The Lords of Dirt thus decided to maximize that rule for the 2026 season and their plan was on full display on Wednesday, June 3 as they rolled, rather steamrolled, their way to a 33-4 win over Butte & Co.

Butte & Co are certainly no slouches when it comes to softball, they just can fluctuate between brilliant and… not so brilliant play and it just so happens on this particular evening, they were more the latter than the former against a team that was simply overpowering.

It took all of about two innings to see where this game was headed, but not without some initial resistance by Butte & Co. The Lords of Dirt started off with the Five Guys Batters racking up four runs in the top of the first inning before the Butte & Co defense pulled off a double play that included getting the force at third, a toss to first for the potential double play only to be too late before first basewoman Kristin Tyson fired home to throw out a Lord of Dirt trying to sneak in another run.

Offense scores runs but defense wins games, and the Lords of Dirt defense held Butte & Co scoreless in the bottom of the first and returned to the plate in the top of the second to rattle off seven more runs.

It started with a leadoff triple by Jake Sunter who then scored on a sac hit by Morgan Holleran. A pop fly left the Lords of Dirt with two outs but then the Five Guys Batters took over as Rob Holleran drove an RBI base hit up the middle. Tom Harkem walked, Bryce W. Miller golfed a three-run Inside the Park Home Run (ITPHR), McGuire then dropped a pinpoint hit for a double and then CJ Hoover picked a massive gap in the outfield for a two run ITPHR and an 11-0 Lords of Dirt lead.

After continuing to hold Butte & Co scoreless again, the Lords of Dirt tacked on eight more runs in the top of the third inning thanks again in large part to their new/old batting order.

This time Robbie Cushman got it going with a two RBI triple, Harken followed with an RBI single, Miller and McGuire singled to load the bases and Hoover cleared the bags with a grand slam ITPHR. Fortunately, the Butte & Co infield came up once again to turn another double play, leading the league in that stat, to stop the bleeding once more.

Down 19-0, Butte & Co showed some signs of life scoring two runs in the bottom of the third inning. Grant Spear doubled, Izzy Stella singled and Alden Watkins pushed Spear home with a single. Miller did facilitate a 6-3 double play for the Lords of Dirt on the next batter, but Dan Oswald knocked an RBI double down the left field line for Butte & Co before the Lords of Dirt defense closed it out and the Five Guys Batters continued to do damage in the top of the fourth inning.

John Dreher led off for the Lords of Dirt with a solo ITPHR, Kaite McKernan stroked a single and then the Five Guys took over to knock five base hits and drive in five runs before Sunter and Dreher added in three more runs for a 28-2 Lords of Dirt lead and causing one Butte & Co player to comment, “can we just end this, I’m hungry.”

It didn’t end there though, but it did slow down, as the Lords of Dirt would score five more runs over the final two innings bringing the total Five Guys Batters offensive output total to 23 hits and 22 runs for the 33-4 win. Andrew Arnold provided the final two runs for Butte & Co with a solo ITPHR and an RBI single while dogs ran rampant on the field and the cheers of what sounded to be a far more exciting game could be heard in the distance.