Eldo buries Bonez in town league play

Googling quantum physics

by Than Acuff

Week two of the season and it was time to check in on the Eldo and see how the defending champions were looking. From what I saw, it’s the same ol’ Eldo with a few tweaks as they have upgraded their roster with a few key off season acquisitions and thwacked Bonez 20-8 on Tuesday, June 14 at Tommy V Field.

And yes, thwacked is a word, apparently, because when I typed it in I didn’t get one of those squiggly red lines under it.

Yet, it was during the thwacking (unbelievable, but thwacking is a word too) that one player stood above the rest, but we’ll get to that.

The game got off to a slow start and it appeared that Bonez, while a bit disheveled in their appearance, especially compared to the bright orange uniforms of the Eldo, may put up a fight.

It started in the top of the first when Bonez outfielder Jeff Hern chased a fly ball to deep centerfield to make an incredible over-the-shoulder diving grab, robbing the Eldo of their first runs of the game. It was as if you combined the classic catch of Willie Mays with the one-handed grab of Odell Beckham Jr. a couple of years ago. It was so nuts it actually blurred what we perceive as time and the lines separating the sports of football and baseball. I believe what I and everyone else there witnessed was a vision into the theory of quantum physics, or, quantum mechanics.

According to my research (i.e. drinking coffee and Googling until my computer crashes) there are really six key concepts about quantum physics that you should keep in mind. Do that, and you’ll find quantum physics a lot easier to understand (grab your vape pen and hang on for this):

• Everything Is Made Of Waves; Also, Particles (ummm, that’s two things)

• Quantum Physics Is Discrete (like a cat? Wait, that’s curious)

• Quantum Physics Is Probabilistic (the word probabilistic is problematic)

• Quantum Physics Is Non-Local (I don’t trust non-locals)

• Quantum Physics Is, Mostly, Very Small (“They mostly come out at night… mostly”)

• Quantum Physics Is Not Magic (“The magic man, now you see me… now you don’t”)

Nope, still not getting it, but Hern made the grab and Bonez then built a 3-0 lead over their next two at-bats on hits from Heather Culley and Nick Rodell and a two-run inside the park home run (ITPHR) by Wes Montgomery.

The Eldo finally woke up from their two-inning slumber to take a 5-3 lead in the top of the third inning. Joey Reed led off with a double and scored. Carly Webb knocked a two RBI single to right field, and Will Jones and Alex Francha followed with RBI base hits.

But Hern wasn’t done yet. Michael Ryan led off for Bonez with a big hustle single and then trotted home when Hern stepped to the plate and crushed a two-run home run over the fence in right center to tie the game back up 5-5.

The Eldo eventually did what they do best, hit and run and run and run. Jeff Banford dinged a double to left center and then scored when Stephanie Cantu and Reed connected for back-to-back base hits. The Eldo scored another run off a combination of more hits and a walk and then things became probabilistic for Bonez as they imploded like a star during the bottom of the fifth and top of the sixth innings.

A couple of base hits put two on with one out for Bonez, but when Ryan knocked a base hit, runners became confused and the Eldo turned a 5-6-4-5-4 double play that defied quantum physics.

The Eldo then took no mercy on Bonez following their base-running snafu rattling off eight runs in their next at bat. A number of Bonez errors gave up a triple and then Reed and Patrick Cashion cracked extra base RBIs to drive in three runs. Hern pulled off another incredible diving catch in left center but the Eldo scored two more runs on a bloop double. A couple more hits and errors soon let in a couple more runs and by the time the dust cleared, the Eldo was sitting on a 15-5 lead.

Bonez managed three more runs over their final two at-bats but additional RBI base hits from the Eldo capped by a two-run ITPHR by Cashion sealed the 20-8 win for the Eldo.

Now, back to Googling…