April Fools: Mert Theeker ends up owning town after lucking out

Lee Dickleman crowned king

[ By Noah Parken ]

In what started out as a friendly game of cards between two billionaires turned into a high stakes game destined to determine who would own Crested Butte. And when the dust settled and the cards were all played, it turns out Mert Theeker now rules the roost.

Billionaires, or CBillionaires, Chip Pyke and Marv Walters had just spent the day helicat skiing together wherever the hell they wanted and thought they’d stop by Cocheevers for a little cards, and to get to know the “locals” with their newly laminated “What’s a local” placards printed and distributed by Mikey Shores.

Blackjack turned into poker, poker turned into more poker and when they turned the game to Baccarat, that drew the attention of Theeker.
“I’m not much of a card player, I prefer the scratchers, but just the name Baccarat drew my attention and I jumped in,” said Theeker.
“Hey, maybe we should call up Jim Moron, he’s got money?” said another player.

To which both Walterrs and Pyke busted out laughing.

“That’s the guy who started GV2H right?” asked Walters. “Yeah, two homes money, that’s funny. Hey Chip, how about we start up GV28H.”
“Actually, I have 30 homes now,” responded Pyke.

A crowd gathered and in a classic bout of oneupsmanship, the two decided to put the entire town of Crested Butte on the table.
“I want a piece of that,” exclaimed Theeker.

The cards were dealt, both Walters and Pyke had eights but Theeker stole the show when he bet on a tie, which pays out 8 to 1. So not only did he get Crested Butte, but Mt. Crested Butte, Pittsburgh, Elkton, Irwin, Almont, Somerset and Powderhorn.

“Lotto scratch cards and mobile homes for everyone and you can fix your own toilets from now on,” said Theeker. “Oh, and one more thing. Lee Dickleman is now the mayor, town manager and whatever else he wants to be.”

“I’m King in here,” said Dicklemen.

“Yeah, that too,” added Theeker.

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