my Whole Body is an Engine: Women’s arm-wrasslin’ delivers

“You here to fight?”
“I’m here to win”

Aspen has the X Games, we’ve got women’s arm wrasslin’. I think I’ll take arm wrasslin’.
Five years running and it’s only getting better. The KBUT Women’s Arm Wrasslin’ Tournament at the Talk of the Town was bigger than ever Friday night as 32 women signed up for a shot at not one but two titles. In an effort to establish some modicum of parity, tournament organizers felt the need for two divisions—a Wonder Woman division and a Princess division.
Yet it was hard to tell the difference between the two as the competitors themselves made the decision.
The question was, do you have the mental mettle?
Eight women decided they did have it for the Wonder Woman division. Twenty-four opted for the Princess division.
One woman was unsure of what she had or even who she was. When asked where she was from, she responded, “I can’t remember my name and I certainly can’t remember where I’m from.”
Now before casting dispersions upon said woman as “some young drunk chick,” let it be known, she did not appear drunk and God bless her for even signing up as she was probably in her mid- to late 50s, yet still unafraid. A bit confused maybe, but unafraid. Did pretty well, too.
One thing was for sure, eventual Wonder Woman winner Colleen Higgins, aka Boston Massacre, had confidence.
As she approached the registration table the question was asked, “Are you here to fight?”
“I’m here to win,” responded Higgins.
She looked like she had it in her but, truth be told, her sweet face and gentle spirit said otherwise.
Then again, she is from Melrose, Massachusetts.
‘Nuff said.
Then there was the Mom Squad. Colleen “Smoke Screen” Hegeman, Veronica “Lady V” Jarolimek, Ginny “Princess Flatuella” Turner and Magda “Black-Hearted Soul” Drewnowski were out on the town for Jarolimek’s birthday leaving husbands and children at home to prove they still got it.
And they do, with every one of them making it deep into the late rounds of the tournament and then some.
Heather Allyn was a crowd favorite in a torn-up Dickies outfit and always willing to bust out a pre- and post-match dance for onlookers, gawkers, fans and the press.
On the other end of the spectrum was Your Mutha!, adorned in bath slippers, her hair up in curlers and wearing a red negligee, of sorts, with a pack of smokes tucked in the top.
The VIP area was well worth the price of admission, with Talk owner Joel Lewis providing hors d’oeuvres (that’s French for food), not that people were necessarily hungry.
The women battled their way through the double-elimination format tournament with the early rounds moving rather quickly. One of the top showdowns of the night came in the second round when Laura “God’s Army” Kaulike faced Amber “Ragin’ Red” St. Vincent. Kaulike pressed hard off the start but couldn’t finish. Not even the power of the Lord could help Kaulike as St. Vincent, just inches away from elimination, shifted her style and made the comeback of the night to square up and then pin Kaulike.
Two matches later the crowd hit a frenzy as defending champion Caroline “Mother Tucker” Czenkusch and Rita “Big Bootie Judy” Flemming were locked at the wrist. It appeared Flemming won but a referee mishap forced a rematch and Czenkusch proved why she has her name on the belt, to pin Flemming and advance.
Krystal “Krystal Pistol” Ramsey turned some heads early as a Wonder Woman contestant. Her familiar face proved hard to pinpoint but as the night wore on, it was revealed that she works at CB Auto. With that now in the open, she quickly became a favorite to win until she ran into Jen “Jen-O-Cide” Cook, who then took the spotlight with her sound defeat of Ramsey.
By the time 1 a.m. rolled around, the tournament was down to the finals with Turner facing Caitlin “Betty Bedazzled” Fitzpatrick. Turner was a bit of a dark horse to all but myself. Being a mom out on the town for the first time in a while, she was a relative unknown. Though I knew she’s not only a mom but also runs her own personal training business, Turner Training. And while her strength was the foundation upon which her success was built, she did pick up some technique tips as the night progressed.
“One of my clients arm wrestled in college and he was there and gave me some tips,” says Turner. “I don’t know if I used them but I felt a bit more empowered.”
According to Turner, the main tip she got from him was to “push, not pull the arm.”
 And she proved it all night, including in the finals, that she was no fluke, pinning Fitzpatrick in no time to take the Princess division arm wrasslin’ title.
“Sunday my shoulder felt like it had done some work so I guess I was pushing,” says Turner. “The night was really fun because there was a lot of super-strong chicks there and everyone was super-supportive.”
“We’re very proud of our dainty sugar blossom,” added her husband, Sean.
Higgins, Boston Massacre, lived up to her pretournament prediction as well as her nickname. She flew through each round with relative ease to face Kristy “Falcon Hawk” Ripley in the Wonder Woman finals.
Ripley was no slouch either. She could have easily signed up for the Princess division with her slight frame but with the mental mettle of a fighter and some impressive latissimus dorsi (that’s Latin for wings), she battled her way to the finals.
It was also a rematch for Ripley as she fell to Higgins earlier in the night.
Nevertheless, Higgins was unstoppable and made quick work of Ripley to take the title.
It turns out, Higgins had a slight advantage, though she admits she had no idea she would win.
“After hearing about all of the strong girls in Crested Butte I was definitely a little worried,” says Higgins. “I arm wrestled my dad a lot growing up and he gave me some tips on grip. And, I’ve been doing Crested Butte CrossFit so that must have helped.”

            Indeed.