April Fools: CBMR is close to a decision to extend the season

Crested Butte counters with requirement for vaccine passport for entry

[ by Mark Reeman ]

Crested Butte Mountain Resort will make a decision on Sunday whether to extend the ski season one more week. Saying that the numbers are on the edge of justifying the move, CBMR vice president Tim Baker said the Vail Resorts finance department will analyze possible visits from Front Rangers before pulling the trigger.

“Broomfield can’t know the whole picture until 4 o’clock Sunday so we will let everyone know as soon as statistically possible,” he said. “Our metrics indicate that it comes pretty much down to Karen Monroe who lives in Littleton. The 37-year-old, 5-foot-six, blond who is an above average intermediate skier who loves bragging about Crested Butte and her 3.2 kids have been coming to CB on Saturdays but they seem to be less enthusiastic as the weather has warmed up. Our Epic surveillance indicates she is the typical CB Franger and if she comes, we can expect another 1,042 people of the same demographic. But our surveillance intern saw Karen and the kids pulling golf clubs out of the garage earlier this week and that is a red flag that needs to be thoroughly vetted by our Epic team.”

“Hey, with the loosening of the COVID restrictions we can get another 3,000 people in the Red Room so I hope they stay open that extra week,” noted Flyleena Calzone of the Secret Cash. “We love Karen. We’ve walked a tightrope for a year and that tightrope looks like it is turning into a slack line.”

“What the F does that mean?” asked Michael Marchabelly of the Gourmet Poodle.

“It means I can finally stop being so hard core when it comes to masking and six foot distancing,” said a relieved Mike Pole of Kocheevers.
Meanwhile, in what some might consider mixed messaging, county health officials will meet Friday (at Kocheevers) to determine how much to tighten health restrictions. Jonny Reymolds is considering the quadruple mask rule.

The Crested Butte town council on Monday immediately passed a requirement for a vaccine passport to be presented and stamped before anyone will be allowed to turn left at the six-way stop. “Just being prudent. Safety first,” said councilman Will Dubargden. “At the same time, we will be distributing passports to people who pull out the plastic and contribute to our affordable housing fund.”