“One of us. One of us”
[ by Dale Pitkin ]
Veil Resorts announced they anticipate timely deployment of their lab-grown middle management clones for the 2022/23 ski season. Broomfield HR Czar Alex Murphy recognized supply chain issues had risked timely delivery.
“I was concerned until our largest vendor was able to deliver the key ingredient to cultivation. Kool-aide. Once that arrived, it was smooth sailing,” says Murphy. “It’s a delicate process, kind of like transitioning cows from hay to corn for finishing. We slowly wean them off of Kool-aide to press releases. Once they’re comfortable with that, they can start posting inspirational Instagram videos.“
Murphy’s team partner, Anne Lewis, confirmed at press time that to align with their Myopic Promise initiative, all of the grow lights used in the process would be wind powered.
Additionally, Veil announced that it has partnered with a popular vacuum company to create a new Groom-ba machine. The automated grooming machines will lay out fresh corduroy when needed on various ski slopes to eliminate the need for human-run snow cats.
“The biggest challenge is getting the Groom-ba to stop grooming when it encounters obstacles, like skiers or middle management out on Instagram missions,” said Murphy. “It has trouble identifying what to run over and who not to.”
All “new” middle management clones will also be subjected, I mean treated, to Turbo tanning to make it appear as if they enjoy the outdoors.