The Crested Butte News Serving the Gunnison Valley since 1999
CB residents can get Epic Local innoculation
[ By Ramone Coldzore ]
Veil officials in Broomfield, CO announced on Monday the launch of the Epic Vaccine. “Our marketing machine, I mean, department, is really excited about this one,” stated Bob Cats, Veil CEO. “No one has ever injected marketing directly into a consumer before. To have access to the DNA of every one of our customers is the holy grail of marketing.”
In true Veil fashion, the Epic Vaccine is composed of smaller, mom and pop vaccines re-branded into one, amorphous super-vaccine. “Our experts have surgically cut the character, I mean virus fighting capabilities, out of each smaller vaccine to form the Epic Vaccine,” said CBMR COO Tim Faker. “The beauty of our vaccine is its ability to cater to each resort target market. The Breckenridge version will have more stoke, the Beaver Creek version will have gold flecks in it, and the Crested Butte version will have a dash of saltiness.”
Speaking of Crested Butte, Veil also announced the Epic Local Vaccine. To make it more tame for some recipients, the #bemild version will only be 80% as effective as the Full Epic Vaccine. Although the full Epic Vaccine protects recipients all over the state, the Epic Local only offers protection to those within the Gunnison Valley. Both vaccines will be heavily promoted along the front ranch and lines to receive either version are expected to be long on the weekends.
