APRIL FOOLS: One local business segment preparing for major surge

Things change after the honeymoon

by Catherane Bettles

Gunnison County divorce lawyers are looking for increased business later this spring as families are forced to quarantine together while no sports are being shown on television and group activities like yoga and Pilates classes are cancelled.

“Our metrics indicate that when the honeymoon is over, people tend to wander to separate activities so as to maintain the semblance of the social family unit,” explained attorney Markis Pop. “Studies show that men tend to hole up and watch a lot of basketball this time of year and that is no longer an option. Women tend to take yoga classes with their sisterhood and that too is no longer an option given state and local mandates. We expect that once they find themselves on the same couch wondering who the person next to them is, there will be a shock to the familial unit.”

“The hardest thing is when they realize they are with the person they once adored and that person hasn’t showered in three or four days while drinking malt liquor at noon,” added attorney Buck Clicket. “Many times the straw is what Netflix show to binge. Do you go with a high action apocalyptic series that most men favor or another series on Princess Diana and her fairytale life that was actually miserable? Our phones ring off the hook at that point.”

The Gunnison County Divorce Lawyers Association has been gearing up for the expected surge from the coronavirus. Offices have been expanded into their garages and forms are being posted online to handle the quantity of complaints expected to be filed. A screening site will be set at strategic locations but most couples are expected to drive separately so lines might be extraordinarily long.

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